Why I Say No to Friends (and Yes to Monks)
Have you ever received backlash, awkward silence, or guilt trips for charging your standard service fee?
As a photographer, I can’t tell you how many times friends and relatives have asked me to shoot their events for free. Keeping a straight face, I kindly decline every single time.
If you use your creative talents to make a living and constantly find yourself dodging the "friend discount" trap, this message is for you.
The Two Core Deciders: When and Who
There are absolutely situations where I am happy to give my time away, and others where I draw a hard line. When deciding whether to work for free, it always comes down to two things: When and Who.
1. When: The Beginning of the Journey
When I was starting out with very little experience, I was hungry for credible gigs. I gladly contributed my time and effort for free. Not only did this help me build a compelling portfolio, but it also helped me build a network.
The Rule: If you work for free starting out, you must select the gig because it aligns with your goals. That experience will shape your mindset and skillset for the rest of your career.
2. Who: Elevating Those Who Give
I frequently visit a Buddhist temple in Santa Ana. During major celebrations, I photograph the visiting monks free of charge. I have immense respect for these individuals; they live incredibly humble lives and give so much to the community. My soul simply wants to contribute a little bit of my time and talent to give back to them.
The Milk Analogy: Understanding Value Exchange
You might ask: “Why do you offer free services to monks and strangers, but charge your own loved ones?”
It’s simple. Money is just a tool for exchange.
When you go to the grocery store, you hand over five dollars for a gallon of milk. You don't argue with the cashier or ask for a discount; you pay because you recognize the value of what you’re receiving.
When someone in your life expects you to work for free, they don’t value your labor as much as they value the money in their own wallet.
When faced with this, you have two choices:
Educate them on your real value.
Simply walk away.
What About Clients Who Are Struggling?
Once in a blue moon, you’ll run into potential clients who genuinely struggle financially. In these cases, you can offer flexible payment plans or slight discounts—but never give your services away for free.
People rarely value what they receive for free. If your services are truly important to them, they will find a creative way to make it work. Don't take away their opportunity to be resourceful!
The Hard Truth: Skills vs. Mindset
If you’ve read this far and you’re still hesitating to say "no" to free loaders, it usually means one of two things:
You lack confidence in your skills. (You don't truly believe your work is worth the price tag.)
You lack confidence in your mindset. (You have a block around earning what you're worth.)
No matter how talented you are, you will never earn more until you firmly believe you deserve more.
You always have a choice. Which one are you going to make today?
What do you think?
How does this flow feel to you, and does it still capture the exact message you wanted to send to your fellow creatives?
HENRIK NGUYEN
